2014 has been a roller-coaster ride for me, so much had happened in a mere 3 months (January-March), I lost my loving grandfather, Hj. Mobel B. Hj. Paris on 31st of January (a week before my wedding, can you imagine going through a wedding when you have lost one of the people you care deeply about & was suppose there by your side? My grandfather was my idol. I LOVED him soo soo much, he was a father figure to me).
On the 7th of February, I got married to Kay (alhamdulillah, I cant be thankful enough as now our love is Halal), that was all that I wanted. for us to be halal :)
17th of March, I first knew I was pregnant (alhamdulillah, another blessing & rezeki which Allah has given us)
But on the 23rd of March, my ragdoll cat Cookie passed away. It was devastating. Kay & I felt soo much sadness (I have 3 cats, and Cookie was the first to go), she was like a baby to me, a child, family, my princess, losing her was a blow to both Kay & I. It was sad when I would see my husband cry in his prayer because the lost he felt when Cookie died. Here is this most adorable cat which I have loved for 5 years, gone. But Allah loves her more. Just like how Allah loves my grandfather, and how his death was so beautiful, that I could only dream of passing away like my grandfather did.
Then just a few days after dealing with my cat's death, I took another blow when my best friend passed away.
I have never loss a grandfather, never have I lost a pet cat, and I have never loss a friend to death before.. and in a span of 3 months, I have felt the loss of all three. YaAllah, I thank you for making me strong, for giving me silver linings & rezeki in spite of all this sadness & tragedy.
As we all know by now, Ami Schaheera has left us on the 26th of March. She lost her battle to cancer. I had meant to write this sooner, but I didn't feel like opening my blog. And I had thought of a million ways on how to write this post on Ami, and yet again I'm left speechless. So some of my grief & sadness is shared through my Instagram account. But now, Im just gonna go with whatever Im thinking & writing..
This post is dedicated to my great friend Ami.
As it was too late for me to share this with her and tell her how much I love her, and how her loss left a big gap in my heart, and how I mourn on her loss daily. All full of regrets of not seeing her at the hospital. Guilty for not saying that last goodbye as I thought she would be ok. Torn that I wasn't there by her side.
We knew each other through the internet (back in 07/08), and back then we were both selling online, and we had our blogs.. so we would buy from each other. And she has been the greatest Old Blossom Box supporter since day 1. Ami was the one that designed this blog & Old Blossom Box's blog layout, and I shall keep it this way forever. We had soooooo many memories together. Way too many OBB events & preloves. All those blogging memories too, for whenever I'm invited to an event, she would always be my first go-to-girl to ask if she would be going. If any clients wanted recommendations, I would always say, Ami & Shea. That was how close we were.
Our trip to Jakarta in 2012, invited by Dian Pelangi will always be close in my heart. And I was fortunate to have a trip to Manila, invited by AirAsia with Ami in Oct 2013. We were roomies, and we were really excited on the trip & seeing Manila. We watched 'Snow White & The Huntsman' at night. Laughed a lot & taking pictures of each other a lot too.. She was one of my best friends that would get my jokes. We had a shoot with Elfira Loy together at OBB (soon to be released) and so much memories together that I will forever hold in my heart.
Im thankful to Allah, because I saw & went out with her 4 times in a span of one month before she went away. The last was 18th March (a week before Ami left), we had soooo much fun that day meeting Suci Utami from Indonesia. If I knew that was the last I would see of Ami, I would of hugged her tightly & told her I love her sooooo much. But I didn't know. So Shea, Ami & I were making silly jokes & laughing as we said good-byes that night (my last good bye to Ami).
The reason I couldn't visit Ami at the hospital on the 24-25th was because I was sick (alhamdulillah.. Im now 9weeks pregnant) so coping with all the morning sickness & migraine made me unwell, and I was going to visit her on the 26th instead. Little did I know it wasn't the hospital where I will be meeting her, but at her hometown Parit, Perak where she is laid to rest :"(
I first knew I was pregnant on the 17th March, and I'm glad Ami was amongst the very first to know on that day itself. And she was just sooo happy for me.. That's how Ami was, despite her sickness she was always always there for me. My dear dear friend, my laughing partner, my blogging partner, my bridesmaid. Coping with this lost has been the hardest part because I wasn't prepared for it, I always thought she would be here, growing old together. But Allah loves her more & I pray that she'll be in the highest of heaven for all the sickness she has been through & all the kindness she has given us. My prayer goes to Naz, her husband... the pain I have for losing Ami, must be a small fraction of how Naz is feeling. I pray for your happiness Naz, I pray that you will be granted His Heaven with Ami, reunited in that eternal bliss, for this world is only temporary. The four of us would meet again, and have dinner together like we use to. I pray nothing but the best for Naz, for he has been the greatest husband to Ami, may Allah reward him.
Last but not least.
I love you Atuk..
I love you Cookie..
I love you Ami..
You are with Allah now,
May Allah grant us His Heaven so we could all be reunited..
For now, all I have for you are my prayers..
"Surely we belong to Allah, and to Him shall we return"